Good Quotes
Been collecting good quotes for a number of years and finally have a place to save them. Select from the topics below or browse down at your leisure.
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FOOD
The waist is a terrible thing to mind.
-
Ziggy (Tom Wilson)
The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days
later you're hungry again.
- George Miller
Only Irish Coffee provides all four essential food groups in a
single glass: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
- Alex Levine
Never eat more than you can lift.
- Miss Piggie
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POLITICS
My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was
still beating. It was the first time we ever had a Democrat in the
family.
- Emo Philips
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers
If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we
will stop telling the truth about them.
-
Adlai Stevenson
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about
anything, and that all the pains I have so humbly taken to verify my
notions have only wasted my time.
-
George Bernard Shaw
I'd rather entrust the government of the United States to the
first 400 people listed in the Boston telephone directory than to
the faculty of Harvard University.
-
William F. Buckley, Jr.
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MISCELLANEOUS
Half of analysis is anal.
- Marty Indik
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- WC Fields
When your IQ raises to 28, sell.
- Prof. Irwin Corey to a heckler
There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.
- Thomas Dewar
We've upped our standards; up yours.
- Pat Paulson campaign slogan
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
- Unknown
Do it big or stay in bed.
- Larry Kelly (opera producer)
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are
composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
- Mark Russell
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at
once.
- Unknown
You appeal to a small, select group of confused people.
- Message in a fortune cookie
Never engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
- Unknown
Byrne's Law: In any electrical circuit, appliances and wiring
will burn out to protect fuses.
- Robert Byrne
"How to Raise Your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children"
- Book title by L.B. Frumkes
It is impossible to enjoy idling unless there is plenty of work
to do.
- Jerome K. Jerome
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance.
- Charlie McCarthy (Edgar Bergen)
I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
- Song title, Unknown
A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in
time of trouble.
- Adlai Stevenson
Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have
forgotten your aim.
- George Santayana
Oh, look at the dog, he's being so cute! His legs are... oh never
mind. Now he's licking his butt.
- Emily McFall
Why should I tolerate a perfect stranger at the bedside of my
mind?
- Vladimir Nabokov
I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia; let them walk to
school like I did.
- Attributed but never said by Yogi Berra
There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't
remember it, but it's good.
- Stephen Colbert
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BIG CITIES
The difference between LA and yogurt is that yogurt has an active
and living culture.
- Unknown
When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445
miles" I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane.
- Franklyn Ajaye
San Francisco is like granola: take away the fruits and nuts and
all you have left are flakes.
- Unknown
New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of
people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
- David Letterman
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
- David Letterman
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LIFE
Life does not begin at the moment of conception or at the moment
of birth. It begins when the kids leave home and the dog dies.
- Erma Bombeck
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you
just sit there.
- Will Rogers
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more
useful than a life spent doing nothing.
- George Bernard Shaw
No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you
die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the
weather.
- Michael Pritchard
Good health is merely a slower rate of dying.
- Unknown
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime
television.
- Unknown
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the
other alternatives.
- Abba Eban
It is not true that life is one damn thing after another - it is
one damn thing over and over.
- Edna St. Vincient Millay
There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with
the losers.
- Robert Orben
The future is much like the present, only longer.
- Dan Quisenberry
You are no bigger than the things that annoy you.
- Jerry Bundsen
I'm the king of excuses - I've got one for every selfish thing I
do.
-dc talk, "In The Light"
God is not looking for extra-ordinary people; He's looking for
ordinary people willing to trust an extra-ordinary God.
- Ken Davis
Let me know the mind of God; everything else is just details.
- Albert Einstein
Good ideas are very common; good execution of good ideas is very
rare.
-
Dick Levy
If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing
evil deeds, and it were necessary to separate them from the rest of
us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts
through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to
destroy a part of themselves?
-
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone
amateur built the Ark yet a large group of professionals built the
Titanic.
- Dave Berry
Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so
vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it
means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up
all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, suit of
armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no
different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid
life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They
did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life
isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It
eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a
phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass
splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the
imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real
gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
- Neil Gaiman
The Lord works from the inside out.
The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out
of the slums. Christ takes the slum out of people, and then they
take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by
changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change
their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ
can change human nature.
-
Ezra Taft Benson
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LITERATURE
Writers have two main problems. One is writer's block, when words
won't come at all, and the other is logorrhea, when the words come
so fast that they can hardly get to the wastebasket in time.
- Cecilia Bartholomew
Every author, however modest, keeps a most outrageous vanity
chained like a madman in the padded cell of his breast.
- Logan Pearsall Smith
A blank page is God's way of showing you how hard it is to be
God.
- Unknown
Nobody ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many
have while trying to write one.
- Robert Byrne
All newspaper editorial writers ever do is come down from the
hills after the battle is over and shoot the wounded.
- Unknown
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ENTERTAINMENT
If hell ever freezes over they'll put skates on cartoon
characters and call it an ice show.
- Terry McFall
His performance is so wooden you want to spray him with Liquid
Pledge.
- John Stark in a movie review
Actresses will happen in the best regulated families.
- Oliver Herford
My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.
- Peter Stack in a movie review
When I was young we didn't have MTV; we had to take drugs and go
to rock concerts.
- Steven Pearl
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MARK TWAIN
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you want and
let the food fight it out inside.
- MT
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I
would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a
quiet place and kill him.
- MT
Fiction is obliged to stick to the possibilities. Truth isn't.
- MT
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
- MT
Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession,
and therefore are most economical in its use.
- MT
If you get to heaven, leave your dog outside because entrance is
gained by favor. If it were gained by merit, you would stay outside
and the dog would go in.
-MT
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RELIGION
Rules cannot substitute for character.
- Alan Greenspan
The problem with most people is not in finding the truth but in
facing it.
- Anonymous
People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Berry
The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is
Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the
door and deny him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving
world simply finds unbelievable.
- intro to the song "What If I Stumble" by dcTalk
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